CHRONICLE OF MY SOJOURN IN FMCA
It was a Tuesday,exactly two years ago. As I stood in the consulting room of a private clinic in Benin,half-bent over a gravid woman,my left ear expertly glued to a pinnard,with the foetal heart beat racing in my ear,my phone beeped twice in quick succession. It would be MTN or glo advertising any of their numerous merchandise or asking to subscribe to any of their inexhaustible services, I thought. It was antenatal day and I had a host of pregnant women to attend to and I wasn't in the mood to read any junk from any service provider. Moreover it was well past nine in the morning and I had not had breakfast.
I finished with the earlier patient and was attending to the next when my fingers instinctively moved towards my Nokia 'torchlight' phone, worn-out from falling too often than from usage. It displayed '2 received messages'. I clicked on the first message from a certain 'Federal Med' curiously, and it read "You have been offered temporary appointment as House Officer at FMC, ABEOKUT. YOU ARE TO RESUME DUTY IMMEDIATELY.CONGRATULATIONS!!! The time was 09:58:18am.My eyelids fluttered. Overjoyed,I opened the second message. It was on the other Sim housed on the same phone. It was the same message from the same source. In a frenzy, throwing caution to the wind, I fell on my knees, thanking Jesus and the hosts of heaven for the apparent miracle. I was only jolted back to my senses by my patient who reminded me of her presence and asking me if I won a lottery. She couldn't understand. This was worth more than a lottery. Nine months after graduation and after combing East, West and South for a space for housemanship(or better put, house boy job) without success. But for my parents who had begged me on bended knees, I would also have scouted the North in search for a space.
The interview held on Thursday 26th September same year was the worst I attended (even surpassing my experience in Nnewi). The arrangements were shoddy, and an interview slated for 9.00am only began at about 3.00pm. By that time, I had lost confidence in the charade of an exercise, considering it not different from others I had previously attended where the 'sheep would have been separated from the goats', even before the exercise began.
I couldn't get back to Benin same day, as I earlier thought I would, and with the day fast gone, I slept along the highway. It was my first time of knowing FMCA. Little wonder my joy, as I found out much later that you have to have more than fraternal ties with 'bro Dapo' to get a job in FMCA. I knew no one in Abeokuta before then (a statement many find hard to believe till this day). God finally won.
I got a pay rise same day but I had to get going, and so my fifteen months sojourn to the 'city under the rock' began.
I quickly settled in after registration, though not in the most pleasant way,getting a place to squat in a decrepit part of town. The journey, I soon discovered was with other thirty-something co-passengers who graduated from divers schools;federal, state, private and foreign. The 'Igbinedions' had the greater chunk.
Postings soon began in earnest with surgery being my first port of call,with the ever elusive and evasive HOD giving me a foretaste of what was to come. My debut in orthopaedics wasn't too fascinating. The consultants could never be pleased with the MO's sometimes toeing their path,but the nurses were angelic.
By divine providence and and the goodwill of the majority, i was elected HO rep(against the wishes of a few and a certain 'troublesome senior registrar'), a position I enjoyed to the maximum, though daunting most of the times.
It took more than eight weeks of relentless pressure on the HOD for him to change our postings,and like falling from frying pan to fire I was drafted to paediatric surgery where I was on call every minute of the day. I had been in heaven in orthopaedics. It was easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it was to get the mandatory one week leave in surgery.
The NMA 5-day warning strike came in December. It was to be the first of the incessant strikes that characterised our prolonged stay at FMCA. The first alert came December end, which not only changed DP's but also lifestyles. Many went agog to town, splashing the cash,not knowing the next would take a long time in coming. It took another ARD strike for it to come with the teaching allowances of HOs and registrars missing(ours is still missing till date).
By sheer providence and with executive fiat I eventually got a living quarter within the hospital. My first friend in FMCA became my roommate.
If surgery was hard, medicine was hell. The calls were too frequent and difficult(a single case of HHS with hourly RBS check could ruin the night), added to the boring M & M, HO's presentation,discharge summaries made mandatory by the HOD(who insisted on a personal copy) and lacklustre morning reviews. The consultants were indifferent, the senior registrars pompous to high heavens assuming omnipotence,registrars difficult and the nurses troublesome and unyielding(except for a select few in all categories). The nurses could send or call for you in the dead of the night if a patient merely belches. No one wished to be under the 'sugar consultant'.
As if I were the unluckiest HO around I was drafted to the 'kidney unit' to be under the ever pugnacious and garrulous 'Dr papapa',who turned out to be my chief tormentor(I still believed he influenced the posting to get even with me). He carried about with an air of importance that a first timer would mistake him for the unit consultant,almost whittling down the influence of Dr Hamzat. He surely made life difficult for me (or so he felt for I was already toughened).Soladoye who got the next round of bashing can testify to that fact. Whatever hide he left behind was skinned by the constantly nagging Dr 'nee Ekundayo'. Drs 'Ebi', Jeje(her name really fitted her) and 'Idi-Aba' were the ones who brought me respite. My move to dermatology wasn't only complicated by the patients(number and clinical condition but also by the registrars were both not only lazy, but meddlesome and nagged like women almost spoiling my face before the unit consultant(my best in FMCA). The second strike(ARD) to make management pay two months arrears came in this posting.
The switch to paediatrics was not only relieving but soothing. Everyone acted as family (except for a few),although most of them were chronic gossips. Apart from a few isolated events, this turned out to be my best posting. There was a self acclaimed 'consultant nurse' ;'sister pepeye' whose area of proficiency was known to all. Dr 'stone cold was really a pain in the ass. Dr Oni could abandon you whenever you were on call with him. The consultants were fair enough, and if not for Dr(mrs) Oke, Dr Adediran would be my best.
A call in NNU at its peak was sorely backbreaking. A hypoglycemic neonate could keep you on your toes all night.
The protracted NMA strike which lasted about 8 weeks came in this posting,probably saving us from the Ebola epidemic(as we are near border). With it came the attendant sack of residents,protests, their subsequent reinstatement after the strike was called off, and the consequent extensions in our postings. Many wanted to finish and leave, but others didn't mind staying as long as God will win(ask Babajide). I was pressured by all on every side and after relentless pressure,I was reassured by the HCS that it was with pay. God won again.
We resumed our previous postings again, albeit gingerly with the fright of Ebola, and how I remember one Friday night there was an Ebola scare in the ETR with everyone running for cover.
We soon zoomed into obygyn where the fear of certain 'principalities' was the beginning of wisdom. If medicine was hell, then the feeling here was indescribable. Everyone became too cautious in order not to make a mistake. Every consultant had their own idiosyncrasies, with that of a duo in a certain firm unmatched. Senior registrars acted tougher than was necessary, registrars ever reminding you of the consequences of falling into the traps of their superiors(or was it theirs?).
The daily ritual of the morning review soon became boring. There could be trouble if you went a fraction-of-a-second late. It became offensive and lost its appeal once i discovered it was more to humiliate subordinates rather than educate. Heated exchanges among and between registrars(senior mostly) and consultants was a common feature.Occasional outbursts from consultants during case reviews and presentations were commonplace,and most times we kept straight faces. Little wonder, the bulk of aggression was always passed down the food chain. I found the idea of standing whenever a consultant walked in very repugnant. My heart bled the day a principality shouted down and humiliated a 'big' senior registrar reminding him that he had no say whatsoever in patient management, threatening not to sign his papers. Fawole was always picked on and Ann withdrew completely into her shell.
Labour ward posting was fun, except for the occasional rude interference from the nurses in brown. Drs Aderinwale (my father in FMCA) and Okunsanya were spectacular, but I couldn't say the same of my stint in gynae emergency with Dr 'shey-you-get' and the 'badoo'.
I had a huge sigh of relief when my travails in the 'firmest firm' were abruptly brought to an end by the protracted JOHESU strike. The forceful morning reviews by the obygyn department during the period of the strike made travelling and enjoying the strike to the fullest impossible. That marked the end of my internship as the strike outlived the remainder of the final posting(management was obviously tired of another extension, what with its financial implication) and with pressure from those from Ife(regarding their NYSC registration),the HCS was more than glad to sign us out.
I can't forget my co-interns in a hurry, for they made my stay in FMCA worth the while. I will begin with my fellow HO quarters occupants(who never failed to remind me of my responsibilities whenever there was a disruption in supply of amenities). Downstairs,first was my roommate, Jokanola whose maturity and constant ominous silence awed me. He proved to be a brother. My opposite door neighbour,Fawole was nice and hardworking I depended on her sometimes for odds and ends. Her financial intelligence was next to none. Ojieh was quiet and kept to herself most times. She could make a buffet in her room without the aroma diffusing out. Ogboji, who always contested with me(not only for Ho rep but also in the kitchen),though he beat Dr Shorinola in the contest for a 'daughter of eve'. He was a very nice guy with a kind heart. Dapo was the information minister, always on ground and knew how to do things. He was a great friend of the nurses (especially students). Ese was not only very nice and homely, but also resourceful and hardworking. The triumvirate of Iriyise, Tomi and Ronke were a nice bunch and the latter two inseparable(I sometimes thought otherwise).
Upstairs, Soladoye, who became my closest friend, was a friend in deed. My palate was gratified by her culinary expertise not a few times. She could give you any breaking news in FMCA. Dolapo(I called her the Iron lady) was the 'happening one' and surely made things happen(don't ask me how?). She knew how to magnify any situation. The duo of Faroumbi and Oyaniran were seraphic and made me constantly admire their Christian virtues.(The former proved it again in Sokoto camp,taking care of us). Odeyinka(erratic at times) and Sodimu proved worthy roommates. The duo were nice and fun to be with. The latter was a shoulder I could lean on in Sokoto. Mummy Mercy was a Saviour. Not only did she supply us sachet water in the quarters, but she was instrumental(provided me with vital information)to my securing a room in the quarters. I am eternally grateful to her. Egbu was nice and social. He treated me to a lavish breakfast one morning I was so hungry. His pompous plumpy roommate was a 'sore thumb' though. IM Awoniyi was an angel, resourceful and hardworking. Babajide, always in the room opposite mine was funny and nice to be with, and he could pester someone. He, it was who knew when the money landed FMCA from Abuja and when it was lodged in the bank vaults. He would ask me a day after the last alert, "Osewingii(in his accent),when dem go pay this month salary?" For him, there was never money. I was shocked he bought a camry 2.2 instead of the 'muscle' he always dreamt of.
Outside the quarters, Temitope(Ttops as he was fondly called), my first posting mate in orthopaedics was(and still is) a very good friend. He was resourceful and very helpful, though controversial and headstrong at times(I still remember his spat with the ladies from 'Ikire' that nearly divided our ranks and his religious post that drew the ire from Lawal and others to name but a few). He could help with any mobile device and soon became the consultant on gadgets(other than Dr Olukunle). Lawal 'OBO' was calm and confident but could be stubborn when necessary (I can't forget the night he stood up to Dr 'blow my whistle baby' in the lounge,literally turning it upside-down. I waited in vain for him to park a private jet in FMCA. Oni was ever smiling and you could never tell what he was up to. Cyril was calm, gentle and a hard worker. Balogun was the gentlest person I ever met(I still wonder how Dr papapa could fight him). Blessing was friendly and the registrar's delight. She never failed to take advantage of that and was mostly favoured. She knew how to get what she wanted and I sometimes believe she could collect a banana from a monkey(no pun intended).
Ayobola and Odudimu were wonderful women. Nweke(the tiny one) was sweet, always fun to be with and proved helpful in difficult situations. I can remember times he took my calls while I was away on ARD assignment and he didn't allow me to pay back. Sowemimo proved to be an ally,always laughing and with strength of character. Sodeke, despite his occasional gira-gira was very industrious (I feared his work rate) and a business man per excellence. He could supply any product (maybe not excluding human parts). Ogunbambo, always bespectacled and ever smiling was friendly, calm and matured with a motherly disposition.
The social duo of Tifase(my self acclaimed godfather) and Ogundipe never ceased to amaze me. They knew and could employ all tricks in the book when it came to fun and never seemed to be tired of the 'substance in the bottle',and were never short on controversies. I was held spellbound by their intelligence though. Several times I was inebriated ,when in their company. Tifase could be stubborn as he showed in the brawl in the lounge with an assuming senior registrar in Medicine. And how could I forget my friend and classmate, Osagie who was a friend of the ladies and the delight of FMCA nurses.
Many good events happened in the period, including marriages, child births, acquisition of cars and a host of others. Sadly though, some sad occurrences happened like the deduction of teaching allowances from our pay with all efforts to make management rescind the decision proving abortive, theft of laptops in the lounge and quarters and the loss of someone's car. These all characterised the period of my stay in FMCA. I want to thank all and sundry for making my stay memorable. I use this medium to apologise for any misgivings. I wish everyone the best. See you all at the top. If I had another chance at house job, I would still choose FMCA.
Since leaving FMCA, many are now in the middle of national service, have had babies born, have secured lucrative jobs, have gotten married, have passed 'primaries' and a host of other achievements. I pray we will all continue to move forward in leaps and bounds.
P S: This is a true account of my horsemanship experience. It is not in any way intended to denigrate anyone's person or personality. I apologize in advance for any offence this piece will cause. Thanks for understanding.
